come out come out wherever you are

[bitterchill]

Ari patrols most nights. He frequently whistles as he does so. He's on friendly terms with many of the people of the town, though some of them think he's a dangerous weirdo. (They're not wrong, but it's not very polite to say it outright like that.)

Vampires still come to Sunnydale. Because it's Sunnydale, and because vampires are idiots. The ones who live here already, though, have picked up a habit of either visiting the kosher butcher's or the bite shop, or moving to LA. Or having their heads ripped off by an excessively cheerful blonde half-Kal'shekk witch.

Speaking of the kosher butcher's, he pops his head into that alleyway. Maybe he'll see Mr. Ray, that nice vampire chap who comes by for some fresh cow's blood every Thursday. (Ari acts cheerfully oblivious to the fact that every vampire he knows is blind terrified of him. Some of them are alright when he keeps them from eating people; being unrepentantly amoral doesn't have to mean you're not a nice person.)

Comments

[bitterchill]

"Construction equipment is generally involved."

[unmarred]

"Go on."

[bitterchill]

"Well, if you literally just drop half a ton of rock on a vampire it usually sticks. Not always, you're a very compressible species, but if you're reduced to paste it's a safe bet. In that vein there's also wrecking balls, large vehicles, dropping from skyscrapers, massive explosions... oh, fire works too. I should mention that I didn't test all this myself, I stick to head-removal and fire mostly, but my mom was very thorough with her experimentation. Vicious woman she was. She had a heart of gold, but she had claws too. Quite literally."

[unmarred]

"I did my experimenting on the man who turned me," he explains. "So once I discovered decapitation, that was the end of it."

[bitterchill]

"Sensible enough. But if you find yourself with construction equipment and a vampire who needs killed, I hope that you remember my advice."

[unmarred]

"Eh. Ripping their head off is going to be faster."

[bitterchill]

"That's why you don't see me driving a backhoe down Main Street every weeknight. Though I'm sure it'd help my intimidation factor."

[unmarred]

"Personally I'd think it just made you look silly."

[bitterchill]

"That's a worthy side effect. Plus, stop me if I'm wrong, but you're not exactly easily intimidated."

[unmarred]

"Picked up on that, have you?"

[bitterchill]

"Can't say where I got the impression, might have been when you laughed off a man twice your size threatening to rip your head off. Or when you started flirting with him immediately."

[unmarred]

"It was funny. And you're very attractive."

[bitterchill]

"You've got a particular sense of humor, then. And thank you; I don't get that nearly enough. I mean, I get it, but you can never get that enough, I think."

[unmarred]

"You're the first person who's called me pretty."

[bitterchill]

"Is there some chance you've been living in a dimension of eyeless cave-beings? If so, what brings you to the land of the sighted?"

[unmarred]

"Not a dimension of eyeless cave-beings, no."

[bitterchill]

"Well, you're pretty, and I'll tell you that as much as you like. I could write you a sonnet! It won't be any good, but I'll do it."

[unmarred]

Mark laughs. "You're adorable."

[bitterchill]

"I could say the same to you! You are without a doubt the cutest vampire I've ever met. It helps you've got that vague pacifism thing going."

[unmarred]

"Pacifism might be stretching the point. I did kill the man who turned me. And a regrettable number of his fanatical cultists, both before and after."

[bitterchill]

"You're new to the whole supernatural world thing, so you may not have context on that: By vampiric standards, you're the next best thing to Gandhi. And I did say vague pacifism."

[unmarred]

"I've picked up on the trend, but I can't figure out why."

[bitterchill]

"Common wisdom says you're actually a demonic parasite who imitates the soul of the human you were made from. Not sure I buy into that, but every vampire I've met but you has completely lacked any sense of morality, hence the threats. So there is that."

[unmarred]

"I don't feel like a demonic parasite. As far as I can tell, turning into a vampire had no effect on my personality at all."

[bitterchill]

"In that case, it would seem you're a very fortunate mutant. I wonder if you have a soul? Not that it'd be easy to test that without looking up some ridiculous ancient ritual, probably."