come out come out wherever you are

[bitterchill]

Ari patrols most nights. He frequently whistles as he does so. He's on friendly terms with many of the people of the town, though some of them think he's a dangerous weirdo. (They're not wrong, but it's not very polite to say it outright like that.)

Vampires still come to Sunnydale. Because it's Sunnydale, and because vampires are idiots. The ones who live here already, though, have picked up a habit of either visiting the kosher butcher's or the bite shop, or moving to LA. Or having their heads ripped off by an excessively cheerful blonde half-Kal'shekk witch.

Speaking of the kosher butcher's, he pops his head into that alleyway. Maybe he'll see Mr. Ray, that nice vampire chap who comes by for some fresh cow's blood every Thursday. (Ari acts cheerfully oblivious to the fact that every vampire he knows is blind terrified of him. Some of them are alright when he keeps them from eating people; being unrepentantly amoral doesn't have to mean you're not a nice person.)

Comments

[bitterchill]

"You don't know about the Slayer? Man, vampire education has gone downhill. The Slayer is a teenage girl with amazing strength and speed and combat skill, which she uses to kill vampires and various nasty sorts of demon. Generally accompanied by middle-aged Brits who... tell her about prophesies and things, I think? I don't know, they're apparently a necessary part of the equation."

[unmarred]

"I haven't seen one, but then, I haven't been a vampire very long."

[bitterchill]

"Ah, new blood. So to speak. I mean, I can teach you the various information you'll need, if you like? I'm pretty well up on vampire culture."

[unmarred]

"Do tell. So far I've discovered by experimentation that we catch fire in sunlight and that it's very hard to kill us but decapitation will do the trick. And the thing with crosses."

[bitterchill]

"Any blessed objects will do the trick for burning and death and etcetera. And massive trauma, and sticking bits of wood through your chest, though I'm not sure why anyone would choose that last instead of just getting an axe blessed by their pastor or something, and it's quite unreliable if you miss the heart anyway. There's this mythical thing called the Gem of Amarra that would make you invulnerable, it's a bit of a vampiric Holy Grail. Let's see, what else... I presume you know about the face thing, I've known it to come as a surprise to newborns. If you make it past two millennia or so you get interesting and unique powers, that's a thing. Not sure what else. Oh, yeah, you can't enter private residences uninvited."

[unmarred]

"The face thing is annoying. Define 'massive trauma'."

[bitterchill]

"Construction equipment is generally involved."

[unmarred]

"Go on."

[bitterchill]

"Well, if you literally just drop half a ton of rock on a vampire it usually sticks. Not always, you're a very compressible species, but if you're reduced to paste it's a safe bet. In that vein there's also wrecking balls, large vehicles, dropping from skyscrapers, massive explosions... oh, fire works too. I should mention that I didn't test all this myself, I stick to head-removal and fire mostly, but my mom was very thorough with her experimentation. Vicious woman she was. She had a heart of gold, but she had claws too. Quite literally."

[unmarred]

"I did my experimenting on the man who turned me," he explains. "So once I discovered decapitation, that was the end of it."

[bitterchill]

"Sensible enough. But if you find yourself with construction equipment and a vampire who needs killed, I hope that you remember my advice."

[unmarred]

"Eh. Ripping their head off is going to be faster."

[bitterchill]

"That's why you don't see me driving a backhoe down Main Street every weeknight. Though I'm sure it'd help my intimidation factor."

[unmarred]

"Personally I'd think it just made you look silly."

[bitterchill]

"That's a worthy side effect. Plus, stop me if I'm wrong, but you're not exactly easily intimidated."

[unmarred]

"Picked up on that, have you?"

[bitterchill]

"Can't say where I got the impression, might have been when you laughed off a man twice your size threatening to rip your head off. Or when you started flirting with him immediately."

[unmarred]

"It was funny. And you're very attractive."

[bitterchill]

"You've got a particular sense of humor, then. And thank you; I don't get that nearly enough. I mean, I get it, but you can never get that enough, I think."

[unmarred]

"You're the first person who's called me pretty."

[bitterchill]

"Is there some chance you've been living in a dimension of eyeless cave-beings? If so, what brings you to the land of the sighted?"

[unmarred]

"Not a dimension of eyeless cave-beings, no."

[bitterchill]

"Well, you're pretty, and I'll tell you that as much as you like. I could write you a sonnet! It won't be any good, but I'll do it."

[unmarred]

Mark laughs. "You're adorable."

[bitterchill]

"I could say the same to you! You are without a doubt the cutest vampire I've ever met. It helps you've got that vague pacifism thing going."